1. Cry Baby- Melanie Martinez
2. Soap- Melanie Martinez
3. Little Lion Man- Mumford & Sons
4. Give Me Novacaine- Green Day
5. Gloomy Sunday- Sarah McLachlan
I am alright.
People said, "don't push people too much. one day, they'll never come back". Well, you know what? Fuck it. I don't really give a damn whether they want to come back or not.
I still remember the words that affected me, to be this person I am now. hahaha. bodoh. sial. pergi mampus. babi. stupid as fuck. naive as fuck. How can I not forget. It is still fresh like it was yesterday. I believed them, every single word that i just mentioned, threw at me. I believed them. And I was so so so sad because someone convinced me that I was-- and agreeing what my head said to me. A fucked up I was, i believed. and still am, I guess. I blamed myself for being so difficult to love. For being so difficult to deal with. For hurting people. I hurt myself just to feel relief, to get out of the guiltiness and to punish myself.
I am almost 3 weeks clean. And I'm gonna keep on being clean. Can I say that I am finally clean?
But that's all in the past. I don't really mind about it now. I forgive that person.
I don't feel anything. And words can't bring me down. I am tougher and more independent now. I don't think that I need anyone right now because ey I am fine on my own. However, I still am difficult to deal with.
I am fixing myself.
The most important thing that I need to know now is that, I know myself better than anyone else.
and I have a friend that I can really trust now. I hope this person won't leave me.
I still have trouble when hearing loud noises or people screaming or shouting. I get scared and want to puke. idk.
I have interview this week. And I really hope dapat :\\\\\ I'll try my best. huehue. insyaallah.
I don't feel like talking to anyone today. I am not sure why. I feel mad and I just want to cry at the same time. meh.
Oh, and to the person who pointed out my teeth and ejek, ahhahahahahaha please stay away from me. And please do stop making people feel bad. It's not funny. Stop pointing out people's flaws. Does that make you feel superior? Because you are so perfect is it? mhmm. of course. You are so pathetic. Please stop. Do you know how this affect someone mentally? Do you know that? oh of course you don't. because you are ignorant. mhmm. but it's okay. I pray and hope that you will be someone better in the future.
adieu.
x
