to understand me, is something impossible. because, i, too can't even figure myself out.
I am not okay right now. In fact, I forgot how it's like to have that feeling for months now. The last time I feel like this was earlier this year, on January. I couldn't afford to relapse once again but sometimes I can't help it. Easy to say that done. Stop asking me to think of something happy. I've done that and when bad days approach, those voices and flashbacks taking their toll makes what you call it 'happiness' into a shadow that you can barely even see it. I am not in the good state right now. Don't ever think to fix me because that IS TOTALLY ABSURD. Only I can fix myself. But not today. I can't save myself today. I am defeated by the monsters. Maybe a little help is okay. People need people, right? and I need help. but i dont know how. because They are awake. But I'll survive this, again.
For the lost souls out there, you're not alone. Hang in there. There's hope out there. Stay stay stay.
Remember that I am not like other people, but there are people like. Does that make any sense? I don't know. Everything in my head is wired up.
Forever and always,
Aina
