I just want to post that I am grateful for all things around me, my family, my boyfriend, memories; either it's good or bad, the bittersweet days, experiences, ups and downs, friends, unfriends, the sadness, the happiness, animals, swollen feet, the bug that bit me- everything.
I wasn't born from a family yang senang sangat. But, alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah bagi. When I was a kid, I've seen my mom cried, I've seen the hardship they- my parents- went through, I've heard the foul stories those shitheads people talked about my family (may Allah guide them to the right path), I've seen it all and I've learned about a lot of things.
I still remember, abah nak cari duit dulu-dulu, he took an extra job on Sundays or Saturdays (depends) untuk mesin rumput. He bought himself mesin rumput. He brought us, siblings and ma masa mesin rumput satu hari. Takkan lupa. Tempat tu luas gila dengan panas dia lagi. Kita semua duduk dalam kereta sampai tertidur. And I still remember habis calar kaki dia and pernah sekali rumput masuk dalam mata Abah. Sakit. But he didn't sigh or let out the hurtful regrets of how he had to work on extra days. He worked so hard. I hold myself from crying right now x) sebab sedih tengok dulu macam mana. The things Abah do to make sure his children are well fed and lengkap semuanya yang anak-anak dia nak. Everytime ingat balik benda ni, I feel... sad and makes me wanna be a better person everyday. So that I can repay my parents when I grow up. And during that time, I didn't even dare to ask anything from them because I know, my wants weren't really imprtant than other important things they need to settle. Eventhough, deep down I really hope he can buy me things that I wanted. But then, I reminded myself again, it didn't really matter. And I learned to not whine about small things. sampai sekarang belajar to not whine about things. kena ingatkan dekat diri ni yang tak sedar diri. minta penampar sikit.
فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا (5) إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا (6
Oleh itu, maka (tetapkanlah kepercayaanmu) bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan. (Sekali lagi ditegaskan): bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan (quran 94:5-6)
My parents raised me pretty well. Alhamdulillah. Tipulah if I said takda misunderstandings with them. Mestilah ada. Sampai muncung 2 hari pun ada. Tetapi dalam hati still sayang tau. Cuma hati merajuk sahaja. Lepastu fikir balik, kau dah kenapa nak merajuk-merajuk ni? Takpalah. It's okay. Aku bisik dekat hati merajuk ni. Kau tak payahlah nak merajuk sangat. Memanglah kau betul, tapi biar jelah. Bila okay, terangkan balik elok-elok. tenang. Mana boleh merajuk. Tenangkan hati, buka hati sikit, let go. Lepastu terangkan slow slow.
Anyway, I always be the odd one dalam family. The only person who talked and played with myself. Not a loner, just that I like to play alone. Senang. Takda drama. Script ikut suka hati, tak suka orang langgar script that I made dalam kepala. The only person yang slow-poke and lurus sikit and orang kena terangkan untuk kali kedua. Sensitive and has a crappy sense of humour. The one who doesn't talk much and the one who good at wrestling her brothers. Aaaaand the one who doesn't talk much dalam family.
That is all.
Thank you to those who stays in my life. Thank you for not giving up on me.
I am sorry if I ever hurt anyone. I truly am.
Sorry about the shitheads thingy. I was/ am mad. Orang kata don't hold grudges or else akan suffer.
To get out of labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.
To err is human, to forgive is humanity.
let them be.
Itu sahaja nukilan saya pada post saya kali ini. Yang pahit dibuat pengajaran, yang manis disimpan elok-elok di dalam kotak hati. wow.
Sehingga berjumpa lagi. Insyaallah.
I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu so much more than to the moooon and back, to the trillion stars and way way waaaaaay beyond :3
oh. here are some drawings/paintigs i did:
Assalamualaikum.
