I am so numb and confuse with everything. and I try to get rid of that stupid numbness I have by drawing something to distract me but it seems like it doesn't work at all. come on. Where are you? The mixture of raw anger of myself, deep depression, sadness and missing you, ah I just don't know which one hurts most. everything was my fault. everything.
You know. Last 2 night. I sit in my bedroom and staring at the ceiling. The room was dark. My dad probably think I was sleeping. I was thinking and thinking. I was thinking all my faults. flaws. everything. I feel so.. sad. That you have to spend those tortured year with me. I really hurt you.
And yesterday. The Sport's Day. Why on earth they played Taylor Swift's song?! My eyes begin collecting those raindrops and I can feel that my eyes begin to puffy and everything was just blur and suddenly my eyes can't collect any raindrops now and boom, there you go.. Like the rain they fell. I was panicked and where the hell I want to hide this stupid face and my stupid puffy eyes? Ahh, the tears just can't stop. Shiz. They flowed like a waterfall. can't. stop. Stop it.
i'm sorry.
oh god.
